Sweet Face

LUCY: Daddy?
ME: Yeah.
LUCY: How come you never don't call me Sweet Face anymore?

Something clicks. I tilt my head.

ME: But Pink Fishhead. You said at the pool your official new name was Pink Fishhead. Isn’t that what you said, Pink Fishhead?

She smiles. Nods. Wants me to save her from her own contradiction.

ME: Wait a second. Something smells fishy in Denmark, little Pink Fishhead. Are you trying to tell me that you actually LIKE IT when I call you Sweet Face?

She nods.

ME: I see I see, Pink Fishhead. Well tell me this then. How would you like it if every now and again, here and there, you know, just every so often, only at super special times, I still call you Sweet Face?

Her face explodes into a carnival of stars and butterflies. It has never dawned on me quite like this how much my daughter starves for my love. And she starves for it in particular ways.

O Sweet Face.

If you only knew how carefully I hug you for fear that I might accidentally grind your little bird bones into a fine fine dust from the strength of my love alone. How could I ever make you understand? I would join forces with the moon and overthrow the sun for you. I would carry a big rock on my back across the orange desert for you. I would pluck a quill from an angry porcupine just so you could clean between those tiny little pearls you call teeth. I would suck rattlesnake venom out of your big toe. I’d spit it out and go PAH! I would learn trigonometry for you. I would wrestle crocodiles. Then I’d do a funny dance if it would make you smile. I would hire an airplane to write in big white smoke letters across the blue blue sky: “Daddy loves you Sweet Face”. I would build you your very own castle out of unique handpicked stones and mortar made of sugar. It would be on a big green hill on a remote island in the Pacific where there were no such things as sickness and old age. There would be parades every single day with showy displays of extravagant fashions. Lucy. I will hold your hand through the world’s biggest parking lots. I would leap in front of cars for you. I would shoot up Old West bars for you. I would stay up all night and count the sky’s stars for you. And give you the brightest one.

But this above all.

I will be our family’s pioneer and go out ahead to conquer Death for you—if only to explore, sniff around a bit, and check everything out to make sure it’s cool. But don’t worry. I will come rushing back to life and whisper all of Death’s secrets in your trembling ear. Just use your imagination because that’s where your Daddy lives. Remember to be still and listen with your whole heart. When you are a very old woman and you are in your last bed, you won’t need to be afraid. Just close your eyes. I will be there. I promise. I’ll open my arms so wide. Just listen very closely with everything you can muster and you’ll be able to hear me say through those veils of misty silver…

“It’s alright, Sweet Face. Daddy’s here.”

Comments

That is the cutest thing I have ever had the privilege to read in my entire life. As a complete daddy's girl, I could cry.

That post made me cry, dammit!

Beautiful.

I'm reading this with my daughter on my lap and she is wondering why I'm crying. Just beautiful.

no shit- wtf BHJ? making a guy's eyes water before 9 in the am... and on a monday even... nice!

You know you try to convince us you're a cynical old soul licking bibles left and right and then, by accident, your heart gets out and shows the real you. It's amazing how quickly a grown man can melt when his daughter walks in:) Great post.

You managed to express something really indescribable; put your finger right on it didn't you?

You should frame these words and give them to her to hang in her college dorm...and then to read to her future husband just so that he knows exactly the level of Herculean devotion that will be expected of him.

Very sweet. And a nice start to my day.

You'd learn Trig for her ... that's love.

Beautiful! She's lucky to have such a great dad!

At 40, this is how my Dad lives his life for me and my sister (except I was "Squirt," and his efforts to teach me trig just made me cry). It's been one of the greatest gifts I've ever received.

This is beautiful, and so is your daughter.

Very sweet. So is your daughter.

Okay, I'm not supposed to cry when I come here...but I was crying at the second fucking paragraph! Urgh.

Seriously, that was really beautiful--I hope your daughter gets to read that some day.

what the HELL dude? Why did you have to make me cry on a Monday morning? Blog foul.

I feel there same way. There'd nothing I wouldn't do for Maddie. I tell her that every day.

You really made me miss my Dad today.
Beautiful.

I'm so confused. I thought I knew you, BHJ. I must now go reevaluate everything... He has a soul??? So confused...

Oh frick and frack. Now I'm all weepy. That was lovely.

The last thing I expected when I opened your blog page was to be a weeping mess by the time I finished your latest post.

You most certainly have a way with words. I hope your daughter reads this someday.

Ok, between you and Mamaspohr I'm a weepy mess today. Beautiful post.

OMG...your are a very sweet man. There is no other love than a parents' for their child.....I love you. There is no way I could let this one go..........

Now you're writing again. That was beautiful. Having grown up without a daddy, I know the priceless gift a father can give a daughter just by always loving her. Just by being there and letting her know that somewhere in the world there is a man who will always love her, who is always ready to carry the big rock, to face death or whatever else it takes.
Fathers are incredibly important.

Lovely. *sniff* Must give GirlChild a few bearhugs today and forever.

That was really beautiful. I wish all daughters could know the kind of love you obviously feel for Lucy. Well done.

Oh for fuck's SAKE...you made me cry and I DON'T EVEN HAVE HUMAN EMOTIONS! Ask my husband! You may have just pulled ahead of Chag; he better bring his A-game next post!

God you make it almost impossibly hard for me not to like you and want to call you names with redeeming posts like this.

Dammit, knock it off. I really need to go back to being seriously annoyed by you.

I go "PAH" when I suck my coffee from the cup.

Wow. Very very beautiful. You have really captured those emotions of a good Dad. And just like at the end of E.T. I cried.

This Daddy's girl is moved to tears.

Trigonometry?!?!?

Whoa.

I think I can speak for every girl with daddy issues and just say "LUCKY, LUCKY LUCY". I am so glad there are dads like you out there.

Because you're right - she does starve for your love. I'm so glad you give it to her freely.

You make me want to go out and smack my dad for never saying anything like that to me.

Beautiful post. Like beyond Hallmark greeting card stuff.

Enough with trying to make people cry already! I've ben to a handful of blogs this week tat have sent people burstig into tear. Not that I mind a sweet story, but it just makes me feel like I'm an insensative jack ass...for not cryng that is. Though, that is NOT it... am was just born with super-strength testosterone...it really is not my fault.

That's right.

Oh, Black Hankie Jesus.
That made me cry.

I guess you don't need the 32nd person or so to tell you, but that was truly lovely.

Annoyingly so. How can I come here and rant in my head about how obnoxious you can be if you're going to bare your soul like that?

Dammit, Black. I decided I WASN'T going to cry any more today, and then THERE YOU GO.

Totally worth it though!

More of these types of posts, please.

I wish my Dad would write something like that to me. I think it's a rare and beautiful thing when a Daddy acknowledges and answers a daughter's soul-deep need for reassurance and love.

rememeber that one time you made funn of that one lady for posting pictures of animals and kiddos on her blog...
wtf is this?

That was lovely. Still BHJ in character and extremely touching.

Posts like this will only increase the amount of people who stalk you and increase your personal security costs.

once again, you have not ceased to amaze me with your poetry.

I am going to go kiss my boopie lips (aka pain in the ass)and my Raymbo (aka jeez ray) right now!

No-seriously, this was a righteous post man!

I love when you show your vulnerable side.

Oh, ow. My aching chest and my burning throat and my stinging eyes and nose. Ow.

Yep... you are wrapped tight! Feels good doesn't it?

Sweet Face is a lucky, lucky sweet face!

You suck. That made me cry, dammit. Not fair.

Damn you, Black Hockey Jesus, you son of a bitch.

You are the best ballet dancing wordsmith that ever lived, and if I get a chance, I'll strangle you with my bare hands!

oh, she owns you, that sweet girl.

single tear down my cheek...

I hope you save this post for her! This is the kind of thing that would make an incredible gift when she's older.
The kind of thing that even as an adult she will pull out periodically to read and know how fully and completely her dad loves her.

Wow, you had me at "I would learn trigonometry for you."

OK dude, you let your wife read this? You are so going to get Monday night lovin. Just sayin.