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Saturday
Nov082014

Pssst, Lola. Are You Awake?

Hey. I know you read my blog and—the thing is—sometimes during the day I get filled up with things I want to tell you but then the day does what days do and whatever. I know you stay up later than you’re supposed to and I know you read my blog and I know you’re a little rule breaker and shhhhhh (I think that’s pretty cool).

Here’s what I want to tell you. Listen to your mother. She loves you more than science will ever explain and she’s always right. Stop making her crazy.

I also want to tell you about a disease that’s haunted our culture for millennia. The Patriarchy. But it’s really complicated and it’s especially hard for me to explain because I’m predisposed to not see it and explain it away to perpetuate all my privileges. It’s called mansplaining. I’m not sure if dadsplaining is a thing yet, but this is probably that and I’m sorry.

Are you confused? Me too! All the time. There’s stuff in the news, little girl, and men—they’re just terrible. We’re terrible, all of us, and we must be stopped and—that’s the thing—I think we are, right now, being stopped. I think we, you and me, are living in this incredible cultural moment when the tide is turning. And even if we’re not, why not act like we are? Let’s be pioneers, revolutionaries, rabble rousers at the beginning of something really cool.

You want to break rules?

I mean, do you really, really, really want to break some goddamn rules?

Cool! (Again, sorry for dadsplaining, but what else can I do?) First. Girls rock. And I hear you saying Duh! Shake it off! I already know girls rock, but do you really? Do you act like it? I’m sorry but you and your little friends are already forming little cliques and torturing each other and why? Why are girls so mean to girls? The answer is long and complicated and it has nothing to do with girl nature because girl nature—real girl nature—rocks. A girl on the frontline of the revolution who knows girls rock is not mean to other girls. On the contrary. They fight for, and insist upon, kindness for all girls because why? Because girls rock.

Second. Girls rock. I know I’m being redundant but I want you to understand that you rock intrinsically. In and of yourself. You, yourself—you—rock as a unit. Wholly. Completely. Rock. What this means is that you don’t need a boyfriend before you can rock. You already exist fully in a wholesale state of unblemished rockitude. I did not just now tell you to never have a boyfriend. I said you don’t need a boyfriend. You have grown up, and will continue to grow up, in a culture that bombards you with kajillions of impressions that constantly tell you otherwise. It’s lies, all lies. Listen to your dad (at least this once): you rock. If you feel needy or hungry or incomplete, that’s a call from deep within to fulfill your destiny of rocking as only you can rock. The extent to which you mistake that call for needing a boyfriend is the extent to which you muffle the triumphant sound of girls rocking.

Third. Girls rock with furious vengeance. Soon, if they haven’t already, boys will begin to touch you. As the world inches toward righteousness, they will lose their unspoken cultural permission to touch you, we’ll hold them accountable, and punish them accordingly. Until that day arrives, if someone touches you and you don’t like it, say “Don’t touch me; I don’t like it,” and, if you detect the threat of a second attempt, thrash him in the face and scream “GIRLS ROCK, MOTHERFUCKER! GIRLS ROCK WITH FURIOUS VENGEANCE!” I will support you in the principal’s office. We’ll call the newspaper. We’ll break the rules.

Fourth. Girls rock. Girls don’t need to be pretty. Being pretty is a patriarchal construct that needs to fall off the radar of necessary adjectives through which girls appear. You rock too hard to thrive only in compliments about physical beauty. Ultimately, girls should call their own shots about the criteria by which they rock. But if you’d permit a suggestion, a worthy adjective to which to aspire is KICKASS! You know how you tell your friends on Instagram that they’re pretty and beautiful and all those other words about how they look? Here’s an experiment. Try this. When you feel like typing “You’re so pretty,” try “You KICKASS!” instead. Be the leader on this one. “OMG! You totally KICKASS!” Because girls! They’re so much more than how they look. You rock, LB. You KICKASS! Tell your friends. Girls KICKASS!

Okay. Are you still up? You should get some sleep, but that’s what I wanted to tell you today. The world’s in a big fight and we’re right in the middle of it and I love you so much. I’m scared for you. I’m excited for you. And I’d gladly step aside and step down for you in the name of all that rocks.