Supermodels & Birds
I caught my daughter working on an ABOUT ME poster and it warmed my heart a little when I noticed what she wanted to be when she grows up. “Aw sweetie,” I said, “You wanna be a nurse like Mommy?” She shrugged and replied “Eh. Not really. But I couldn’t spell supermodel.”
Jackson wants to be a bird. He’s way super geeked out about the Maximum Ride books by James Patterson. They are all he thinks and talks about and I just can’t relate. Why can’t he love hobbits like normal people? I’m serious. Little dude wants to be a bird. He googles scientists, trying to find one who’s cutting edge - “willing to take grave risks,” as he puts it – and brave enough to inject him with avian DNA. My son wants to sacrifice hands with opposable thumbs to sprout wings and fly. Has he stopped to consider how badly a kid with wings would get picked on at school? Or how he would use chop sticks? How’s he gonna cop his first feel on some boobs with a fucking wing? That’s the problem with kids. They don’t think shit through.
So my son wants to be a bird and my 6-year-old daughter is kinda slutty. She practices her hippy catwalk strut and makes this terribly snotty face with puckered lips that looks, you know, slutty. I know you’re supposed to give your kids a lot of space to let them blossom into the unique beings only they can be. You have to be cautious about your expectations and the way they’re expressed or else you’ll limit their potentials. But my son wants to fuck with the nature of his species via radical DNA experiments and my daughter wants to be a bony coke whore who vomits lettuce.
This calls for some parenting. The art of parenting walks the line between smashing dreams and leaving scars. But then again, what is childhood if not the pomp and flash of beauty that yearns only to fly? Neither one of us is right. It’s not that kind of thing. A family is all this yearning and smashing. We’re defined in the tension. We are all this raining on supermodels and birds.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Reader Comments (20)
funny that Jackson should want to be a bird. i can remember wanting to be a mermaid as a kid. weird thing is nowadays i have a not-so-crazy fear of water, especially the ocean. its so big and deep and dark and full of shit that could swallow me up without me even realizing i've been swallowed. and that's not even mentioning how filthy it is. and i'm not just looking at BP on this one. i'm talking floating turds and dirty tampons filthy.
i blame Miley Cyrus for any instances of 6-year-old sluttiness in our society.
in fairness, blame Miley for a lot of things tho...
If he likes the Maximum Ride novels he may like Peter and the Starcathcer series as well.
You should chew up a bunch of french fries and try to spit them into his mouth and see if he likes being fed like a bird.
I work at a famous research institute - I can hook Jackson up big time.
I wanted to be a dolphin when I grew up. It hasn't worked out quite yet.
When I was a little kid, I wanted to be a garbage man. Used to sit on the curb and wait for him to come every week.
I gotta say man, about 2 years ago I walked into a relationship where I was all of a sudden helping raise a little guy. He's 4 now, and his personality is shining through in crazy ways every day. You're posts that deal with your parenting decisions hit home in a powerful way, and I love reading them. Keep it up.
My sister wanted to be a wall.
My kindergardener wants to work in an animal hospital or help blind people. Not that I don't love that she's a caring kid, but sometimes I wish she's cut this practical bullshit and wish she would want to grow up and become a rainbow.
My son wants to be a "pet shop helper." We don't have very high aspirations here...
i don't actually know what my short people want to be this week. and i'm okay with that.
I read this post and chuckled so deeply and evil-ly that I sounded like a guy. Fucking awesome.
I don't know what I want my kids to be when they grow up ..... anything, as long as it's nothing like me.
Both of your children hold a piece of my heart. This morning on my run I kept envisioning the lungs of a hawk, if they have them, as motivation. Then I got ready for work and piled on the eyeliner and donned the skinny pants. I have no children but I am still horrifying my parents so....I guess it really never ends for parents until they die.
My eight year old wants to be a mailman and live in the garage apartment -- alone. That scares me.
You should consider yourself fortunate. My son wants to be a politician.
Ha, funny.
I think you can rest safely in the knowledge that if you do nothing, it will pass...
as long as they don't grow up to be republicans, it's all good.
When I was Jackson's age, I just wanted to find a slutty supermodel.
Who ever thought I would grow up to be the normal person in a family, jesus, how did this happen?
My son wants to be a smoothie maker. Big dreams for him. My daughter a super model like yours... well more like a real live princess, but that's the same thing right?
when i was younger i wanted to be a receptionist.
DREAM BIG!
He wants to be a bird? *I* wanted to be a bird! And look how great I turned out.
*twitch*
*twitch twitch*
My daughter wants to be "JUST A MOMMY, MAWM. NUFFING MORE! STOP TALKING TO ME." at last report. Somebody get this kid some anger management classes and children's chewable valium.