Juicy Blog Whore Gossip Where Names Are Named
Hi. Sorry. I’ve been away. I’m currently addicted to formspring, but it won’t last. I was recently addicted to iPhone Words With Friends for 20 minutes. That didn’t last either.
So anyway, formspring. People ask you questions and you answer them. In other words, anonymous people give you writing prompts. It’s a lot easier than starting cold. But I just got asked a juicy blogging question that I’m going to answer here. Because this is a blog. And what better place for juicy blog stuff than on a blog? But I also understand there’s a segment of the blog reading population that is repulsed to the bone by blogging about blogging. So to you, I’m sorry. Run along now.
Here’s the question:
“Would you concede that you ‘used’ certain bloggers you don’t respect and never did in order to get more attention early on?”
Okay. Here’s the deal. When I decided to start blogging, I read a million blogs. And I commented on a million blogs. Not all of the blogs I commented on were written by people I respected. So, if using a blog’s comment section to get attention translates into using a blogger, yes, I used bloggers. I know. I can hardly live with myself. Thank God I don’t own a gun.
If you want to spread your name around, here’s what you do. Read highly trafficked blogs and leave witty, interesting comments. If you’re good at it, you’ll attract a lot of the blog’s readers to your blog and if you’re really good at it, you’ll snag the blogger him or herself, which makes you feel awesome for a couple minutes.
(For instance, I just had Liz Mom101 comment on my last post and she’s like this huge deal. I saw her in a magazine and said “Jenna. See this parenting icon? Totally reads my blog.” But I wonder if Liz was using me? Do you think she respects me? Does being respected make being used better? Or did she only come here because I used her first? I bet Liz feels used and manipulated and dirty. She’s probably crying in the shower right now.)
But still. If you’re going to attract people to your blog with witty, interesting comments, you better write some cool shit or they won’t come back. I know there’s a ton of you who don’t want attention or traffic or readers because you write for yourself and art and Jesus. Because your soul commands you to write and shit like that. Good for you. You’re pretty awesome. I hope you impress you.
I wish you were more specific about who I might have used so I could answer you directly. The people who generated the most attention for me are Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, Metrodad, Jenny The Bloggess, and Panic Room Ryan. I would call all of those people friends who I respect. I also get a lot of attention for yelling about Dooce & Dad Gone Mad, which is lame when you think about it, but strangely addicting.
Blogging is weird. You make friends fast and they fade away quickly. But beyond using comment sections for my own promotion and asking bloggers direct questions (using them for answers), I don’t concede.
Should I? Concede? I mean. Was it you? Did I use you? If I did, I’ll fess up. Apologize. I’m always the last one to know when I use people I don’t respect.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Reader Comments (62)
I enjoy being used, not that anyone does. It makes me feel pretty and loved, which are two very important things.
So...this'll sound like a dig, but it isn't. Or it is if you want it to be and we can go bloody cage match each other later.
I remember way back when you told me to go the hell away because I was leaving insensitive comments on your posts (I think we straightened that out) that one of the things you said was something like "Some people think you're just trying to get attention by showing me up on my blog."
Now, obviously there are at least two parts there, the "trying to get attention" and the "showing me up" parts, and maybe the only bad part in your mind (both now and then) is method rather than purpose, but at the time I took you to be equally upset about both: that not only did you think I was a DICK but a DICK who was using you and both were bad things.
So, has anything changed? Apart from everything, I mean.
You know what I mean.
Um? I don't think you're a dick?
No, I AM a dick. But I mean, was your attitude then really not that using people to get attention was wrong, or was that your attitude but now it's different, or has nothing changed and it's just an asymmetrical belief (using YOU is reelvantly different from using other bloggers)?
this is an interesting post. and that is an odd question.
i often wonder about perception on these things and then it makes my brain hurt. so i stop wondering.
i comment on blogs that i like. period. full stop.
of COURSE the human in me wants the people i like to like me (well, most days anyway), but this is not kindergarten and i realize that we all like different people in different ways (except when we are drunk/high, judgment is cloudy then!).
and since there is no playground here, only a comment section...that's what we do. we comment.
we comment on blogs we like...for different reasons. sometime those reasons are to get your name out...sometimes those reasons are simply to say "good job" or "yo dude, you kinda rock".
so in alot of ways...i'm not sure i get the question you were asked...because that question fails to reconcile the whole blog/comment/interaction experience.
it's what we do. period.
ps - also...how can you use someone who puts a blog out there that has COMMENTS sections....can we not presume that if you HAVE comments...then you WANT comments?
pps - is there something i am not getting here?
ppps - actually think you're kinda cool (and also kinda weird)...and would read your site (like I did Wind) even if you never become my 11th daily reader.
I think everyone does this, at least to a point. And I don't know if you've ever commented on my blog or not. I think you're a cool dude and I like your style and wit and you're a great writer with interesting shit to say. I comment on blogs I like and I'm all the more appreciate of comments I get for that reason. That's pretty much it. I like to believe, whether or not it's true, that I've made some long term friendships on Ye Old Blogosphere. But I don't really give a fuck about stats, and maybe if I did I would be used more.
But overall? I really don't think it's using people. I just think most folks don't admit to doing it.
I'm following Jurgen Nation around the internet today. I'm hoping she might notice me. She's cute, and my feet need a rub.
I would say that I probably wasn't genuinely bothered by the notion of you seeking attention in my comments, that my comment was more likely generated by trying to tweak your ego. Did it work? In fact, I doubt I even believed you were seeking attention in my comments. Were you? Attacks are attacks. I strike to draw blood. Not articulate my values.
I LOVE commenting. I am a total whore when it comes to commenting. However, I view all blog entries as conversations. If you don't want me commenting on your (colloquial "your", not specifically YOU) stupid blog then move your (again, colloquial "your", not specifically YOU) stupid blog to a private platform.
Even though I am a comment whore, I must not write much witty shit because I have been at this game for over 5 years and I still have like 5 readers. Is that a Comment Fail? Whatever.
The point is, regardless if you "used" people by commenting on their blogs, you obviously write something folks WANT to read. Folks don't read and subscribe to blogs just because you comment on high-traffic blogs.
And I totally blog for Jesus. Now, where the fuck is my diamond-encrusted couch that Amalah keeps jabbering about?
You totally used me. God, I feel so used. And cheap. And a little turned on. Where are my royalties, BTW?
What I'm saying is that I'm not sure how people in blogland 'use' one another, but however it works, I'm sure it's hot and dirty. I comment in a lot of places and it may or may not generate traffic, I don't know and really, such knowledge wouldn't incite me to write any more than I currently do (which is less often than I should, I think). I actually refused to start a blog for the decade+ that I spent reading and commenting on other blogs, so it's not about ego. It's about the catharsis of navel-gazing. If people read, fine. If they don't, groovy. If I were really concerned about stats, I'd start posting LOLcats or other heinous shit that pop culture seems to eat up like heroin-laced jello*.
* I'll send a box of heroin-laced jello to the first 25 BHJ readers who visit my site.
When you first commented on my blog I was like who the fuck is this guy? He's funny!
Now I just think, Who the fuck is this guy?
Or maybe I'm just senile.
What were we talking about again?
Excellent. I shall inform all my readers who never comment on my blog about this.
Also, I am about THIS close to shooting the ones that leave comments like "thanks for commenting on my blog!"... my nose is bleeding just thinking about it.
I still have the scar.
Bastard. You look fat today.
i comment on blogs, more specifically posts, i like reading. period. it might be a *great post* comment or a long drawn out personal comment, but i tend to take a look at the comments section on each blog so I know what type of dialogue/community it is first. i like the connections. i assume (I KNOW - silly me) that if there IS a comment section, one would be invited to comment. Actually, I just remembered Mr.BHJ took the time to tweet me a message saying NOT to apologize for my personal comments (stereotypical canadian, right here) and that my reflections were appreciated. sweet. isnt THAT what we blog for, blogging community?
but then again, what do I know: I dont even have a cell phone and i just discovered google analytics 3 days ago. so such issues have yet to cross my path. my readership of 9 would agree.
great conversations in here. love it.
Witty comments or well thought out comments always spark my interest. I've found incredible blogs from comments left on mine. Or from comments left on other blogs. Comments are almost like a business card in that sense, no? I hardy leave comments anymore unless I have something to say. It takes *so* much time to type. Heh.
another comment... i know. i just had to say i agree with OHmommy, above. I just found an awesome blog when i followed a witty comment on here. yes, i may have been motivated by free heroin jello, BUT, as suspected, i found a great blog as well. lets all hope he ships to canada.
my point? the comments here rock.
dammit. you're never going to finish that game of words with friends, are you?
I haven't been able to comment on your blog since you made the move. Did you block me? Because you don't respect me or because you don't want me to use you?
Well, looky there. I just tried hard enough and got it to work. Without my url. Damn you. You're plotting to keep me from trying unsuccessfully to use you for your readers, aren't you?
I'm kidding, which if I were edgy and cool like your other readers, I wouldn't feel the need to say. Still read your every post, FYI.
READ MY BLOG! READ MY BLOG! READ MY BLOG!
I used to have a guy who used to write rude things just to spite me and start more interesting conversations in the comments sections than what I write (well, it's true, the conversations brought out better writing as I write only in journal style as if someone was asking how my day was, which well, is what it is). He pissed me off, but later we chatted things through, blah blah, he's fine, I'm fine.
I became actual friends with someone I commented on for years - (you know her...) so I just saw that as a bonus.
If you like to comment to bring readers, then wahoo for you, but sometimes a comment is just that - a comment :)
I don't want you to read my blog so I comment rarely.
I totally used to do this by accident. I mean, I used to attract attention to my own blog by commenting on Big Name Bloggers' blogs, but by accident. Because I years ago I used to be known as pretty much The Most Prolific Blog Comment Writer in the Universe. But it wasn't because I WANTED attention. It was because just honestly found it easier back then to join a conversation than to start one. It was less intimidating.
But then I started to think that part of the reason I wasn't writing often enough on my own blog was that I was always leaving comments everywhere else. So I told myself to stop spending all day writing long comments on other people's blogs.
(And now? I write email. Oh, well.)
I've done a lot of my best writing on other people's blogs.
I feel you people. I wasn't saying that self promotion was the ONLY reason to comment. I was just conceding that some of my 2008 commenting had ulterior motives. I was indeed trying to draw attention to myself, to spread my name around. Black Hockey Jesus and Wind In Your Vagina were chosen to attract attention. Just saying.
I'm an armchair anthropologist, so it's hard for me to feel used.
I watch the blog social hierarchy ebb and flow through posts and tweets and blogher banter, and just when I think I have it figured out, I find out there's some other powerful or busy arm of the social hierarchy I hadn't realized was there. It's an anthropological rabbit hole.
And yes, I see you as one of the darlings of the powermom bloggers, some of whom earned their stripes by being super-social, but most of whom did it by being interesting, or at least writing with conviction.
P.S. I've noticed that the other way to spread your name around is to say something really profound in the wake of a social media-made controversy. Or find a way to gaslight the controversy.
Apparently you bloggers are an incestuous little community. I feel like an outsider because I don't have a blog. I just love the voyeur aspect of reading people's lives...I like the connection and get really geeked if a blogger responds to a comment I left. I am also fascinated about comments people leave and often come back to the same post just to read any new comments that may be up. While I appreciate good writing, being a bad writer doesn't keep me away (unless it's relly bad righting, you no? LOL).
BHJ, what I love about you is that you seem to lack a filter that most of the people I hang with keep up. You walk around the internet naked and I'm fascinated and can't look away. Please don't get dressed...I love your nakedness! And I want to reserve the right to comment on said nakedness even though I'm not in the Blog Brotherhood!
i used to think that only annoying people commented on blogs
and mean people
i guess there have been times when i am moved to say
woah
or
wow
or
what?
but usually i just go to the next window i opened
before someone at work comes by and sees that i am playing on the internet
now i think i might start commenting more
Thanks for linking to me in your post ass!
:)
Long story. But I emailed myself this post and used squarespace on iPhone. So dude, I don't know how to do links on the iPhone ap. Will add links for all when I get to a computer that let's me see my blog.
I figure we're all bloggers, so we're all exhibitionists. If we were writing for ourselves and no one else and it doesn't matter if anyone ever reads this then we would write in journals or unpublished word docs. Obviously I'm publishing myself on the internets, I therefore must like the attention, FOR I AM A WHORE.
OH MY GOD AM I USING YOU FOR MY OWN SUCCESS? RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT???
I'm going to go stab at my wrists with a ballpoint pen now, to alleviate the guilt and angst you've created with this post.
I was just kidding. Geez. Like I need your crappy traffic :) haha see what I did there? I went to that Mom 101 site and didn't learn anything. I feel robbed. Maybe I need to read more.
I can't believe how addicted you are to formspring. I am going to go in there and ask you some more questions about juicy whore gossip.
Malt-O-Meal is following me on Twitter. That's all the life affirmation I need.
One more thing... I was talking to my husband about some post you did a while back (the one where you talked about talking about suicide and some shit) and during our conversation, I told my husband I believed you were neither black nor Jesus. To which he asked, "But does he play HOCKEY?" Like this was the pivotal part of your title for him.
And I didn't know.
So do you? You know... play hockey? Or maybe you're really Jesus. I wouldn't know. I'm an ex-Catholic so my religious radar is down for the count.
Never even ice skated.
It's never too late to start. Unless you're a peg-legged pirate. Or dead. Then it's probably too late.
I'd better stop now before people think I'm comment-whoring, when it turns out I'm just extremely, exTREMEly bored.
thats funny, the non-hockey thing. hockey in the title was what caught me eye. ha!
i am such an effing stereotype. eh.
A friend was trying to "get' the whole blogging thing. Once she understood that mostly bloggers read other blogs, she suggested that the blogoshphere is simply one gigantic daisy chain.
That's when I figured out that this blogging thing, is just a thing. It's also when I pretty much quit commenting most of the time. I don't want anyone feeling like they have to come comment on my blog, just because I commented on theirs. If we all did that, we'd spend all day reading a lot of bad blogging crap. (My own included some days).
However today I couldn't resist commenting about commenting on the blog post about blogging.
I think I started commenting on your blog because I liked that little photo you had of that tiny actor. And I liked the name. And I thought, sometimes, that you might be the new Hunter S. Thompson. Now that you've written about it, I confess to hoping that perhaps one day you'd comment on mine. And I think you did -- a long, long time ago. In my small world of fairly conventional everything with the ugly twist of a suffering child, I find your blog riveting -- your thoughts, your writing, your humor, your darkness, the very fact that I wonder whether you're just constantly fucking with everyone.
There's been a couple times I've left a comment on a big-name blog with the only motive being snagging the interest of their commenters. Afterwards, I felt like a user and dirty and a little turned on so I called my husband and invited him home for a nooner. End result? The blogger wasn't hurt, and my husband got some nookie. Who lost? No one.
It's not like I read an interesting comment here, click on them, and check out their blog then have to make this life-altering decision because I have to cancel YOUR blog in my reader in order to put THEIR blog in my reader. Some people get their panties in a bunch about the dumbest things.
BTW, back in 2008, I emailed you what I hoped was a witty comment and you emailed me back with a wittier comment and I was all, "BHJ emailed me back! Lalalala!" I wrote a song for you is what I'm saying. If it catches on, you can accuse me of using you for your name.
I just come here for the chicks.
How was that? Witty enough? Now LOVE ME, MOTHER FUCKERS!
WHORE.
Which I say most lovingly, because I love whores.
Yeah, I've done it and I'll do it again, probably. In fact, I was told that that's the best way to drive readers to my blog. That being said, I read a lot of high traffic sites and NEVER comment (mostly because of the fact that my comments are rarely witty enough to merit notice) and I comment a lot on a lot of smaller blogs that are my friends.
I find the mere fact that you commented on my blog a lot just to get attention extremely offensive. Or flattering. Yeah, that one. I, like Liz, thought who is this funny fucker? I must check out his blog stat! Then I realized I was being courted by a genius and the rest is history.
When you're talented and can find a way to get that fact out there to the masses, it's all good. No matter how you do it.
Also? I think you are just as cool in person as on the page.
i am a boy.
See? THAT'S how you get noticed. Just leave a weird ass comment like "I am a boy." and people go WTF? and now they're curious. BAM! You've got readers.
LOL...this is awesome in its entirety.
I do not generally chime in here because I do not feel I am wittygritty enough to hold a candle to the great BHJ. And now I also feel inferior to the other commenters as well. C'est la vie.
As for using other bloggers to promote my own piddly spot in cyberspace? Naw. It does happen by accident sometimes. Some poor, wayward soul clicks the link, takes a quick look, and then takes off...lol. Which is ok, because I am not trying to drum up "business". I am ok with mediocrity. I embrace it.
But, like everyone else, I enter my URL in that spot that says optional. ;)
Hmmmm...
Which reminds me. I had a random visit a l'il bit ago from someone who came from here.
Whoever you are, I am sorry.
HOW ARE YOU FROM MICHIGAN AND HAVE NEVER ICE SKATED??
I too am anomalous to my region: I hate iced tea and sweet tea and all the teas that ever tea'd in the whole tea-ing world.
And catfish. Fried catfish=gross.
You have no idea how hard I am laughing right now. (while eating tacos which is not entirely safe). I am now pledging to comment on every person's blog that comments on this post.
Also, I too feel a tad dirty at being such a user and being so used...
After this confession, I am so happy you have NEVER commented on my blog. I would hate to think I had just been used.
Shoot.... actually now that I really think about it, I should have been commenting on yours for attention! I suck at this blogging game.
All that aside, I kinda did a little happy dance when I got your friend request on facebook.