Tardy BlogHer Post Because I Had To Start A New Blog
I went to BlogHer. I was frequently mistaken for Mike Adamick and Whit. Women threw drinks in my face. I screamed "I'm not Whit!"
What could I possibly say? It was overwhelming and huge and yet nowhere near enough. I met too many people to meet them with any depth, and there were still people I had hoped to meet, but didn't. It was just big and fast and when it finally settled in that the computer people were indeed real people, I was on a plane.
So, briefly, quickly, maybe.
The People's Party. Bumped into people. Said hi to people. Became overstimulated. Had an anxiety attack. Imagined spraying the party with bullets to get people to stop bumping me. Met Stefanie Wilder-Taylor. Totally my hero.
Transformational Blogging Session. Kate Inglis summed up the power of writing in its ability to find the beauty in horror. Well. There you go.
Branding and Blogging or Something. I just went because Mom-101 was on the bill. As far as branding and appealing to advertisers and making some dough, it all turns me stupid. I'm not saying I'm above it or too cool or none of that. I just automatically go stupid. So I Twittered and willed Mom-101 to look at me in the front row so I could do a quick stupid wave. She never did. She was in the Branding Zone.
Blog To Book Session. Jen Lancaster grabbed the microphone as an audience member and said "I'm Jen Lancaster and my book is currently #8 on the New York Times best seller list and I don't think you're a real author if you self publish." I don't know who she was gunning for or even if I agree with her, but I do know this. I love it when weird crazy shit happens and everyone feels awkward.
Community Keynote. A pleasure.
Panic Room Ryan. I'd have his back in a barfight.
MamaPop Party. Big huge enormous fun. A lot less bumping. No homicidal thoughts. Followed Ryan around and took pictures of slurry girls. I learned my biggest BlogHer lesson at the MamaPop party. It doesn't matter how much fun you're having. You should take a second to call your wife before she goes to bed, you insensitive bastard.
Male Bloggers Session. This was the weirdest thing ever. Avitable, Busy Dad, and the dude from Child's PlayX2 did this presentation about the phenomenology of male blogging or what have you. It was fine. I was familiar with the content. So then, and I'm talking outta nowhere field, Casey, from Moosh In Indy, walks up to the microphone and says "How does it feel to hurt people?"
...
...
...
Yeah, I know. The whole room was literally what the fucking? We were one big "WTF?". It was blissfully uncomfortable. She tried to elaborate and I think she meant. 1). Men go to BlogHer. 2). People spread rumors about them. 3). The rumors hurt people. So then, men, how does it feel to hurt people? I think that's what she meant. Anyway, people started rumbling about how it's not the men's fault if people spread rumors and she called us all "bitches" and it was fucking awesome. It was so awkward and strange. I wanted to marry her and just feel weird forever.
Storyteller's Session. Clap Clap Clap for Neil and Amy Turn Sharp. This is what I hoped BlogHer would be. Writers talking about writing. I loved this session and I wish the dialogue would've lasted for hours and hours. It was like a 12 Step meeting of people talking about writing and stories and the way stories happen. So glad I was there.
So that was that. I had a lot of fun. It's an odd thing, to meet people online and then meet them in person and witness that clash. That's what it was about for me, I guess. Watching the figments of my imagination become real. So just like most days but on an epic scale with lots of swag and squeeing.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Reader Comments (50)
"The whole room was literally what the fucking." Best description of that moment EVER. It was so uncomfortable, it was hysterical.
Anyways, I met you for about a second and my boobs will always appreciate the extra drink ticket you gave them. They're like elephants, they never forget.
Great to meet you ,,. whoever you were ... are. And I'm glad you mentioned the Manel session -- because ever since the conference, I've been trying to recall what moron asked such a dumb ass question.
I have no recollection of that event.
You were at all the best awkward parts and I missed them all. Thanks for writing them all downso it's kindof like I didn't.
Hugest regret is missing Neil and Amy, and Kate too. Thanks for cementing that so I can scrounge up the video.
Ahhh that comment. It struck me as both discriminatory and offensive, since, why does no one think about the lesbians? Equal rights man! They should have the opportunity to have affairs and threaten marriages too....
I think BlogHer fell down on the Blog to Book thing because most of the panel (except Stephanie, I think) WAS self-published. Any dolt can do that. It's getting an agent and a publisher that requires some talent and great effort. That's what people wanted to learn about, I think. I also think that most agents will tell you that self-publishing is detrimental to getting a real book deal.
Not that I know the Moosh personally, but I'm not convinced she called you bitches. See she hates the swears. Maybe she called you poopyheads, but not bitches.
Still, her confronting a room full of men is hilarious in itself.
I'm so stupid. I completely missed Amy and Neils session. And it was the one that I wanted to go to from the get-go. I'm so stupid. But I kissed your cheek. Ha, not so stupid now am I? Or am I?
umm. yeah. I wasn't there, but all of us left here, we were all talking about you guys while you were there. Do you feel left out? hee hee
"Well. There you go."? Not a single "What the fucking"? Damn it all. Next year I'm calling someone a bitch. I've had it with this beauty/horror gig.
It was cool to whiz past you in near-homocidal interludes and yell and wave. I'd have your back in a barfight, even though it wouldn't do you much good.
you fucking bastard, how does it feel to hurt people?!?!
;p
It's quite the phenomenon to find that the people that live in your computer are actually real live people. For reals.
And I was really impressed with you.
best recap ever! the storytelling session was totally the bomb.
I had a ticket to BlogHer but I 100% ditched it. Sounds like a lot of fun, weird , awkward moments.
I met you for about 14 very awkward seconds at the People's Party where I stood with you and Stefanie trying to say something, anything interesting when I couldn't hear a word for the crowd and the wedding singer droning on in the background and I didn't say what I wanted to which is that you are the awesome. And I was really, really glad to have met you, even if the minute I walked off you and Stefanie were like, LOSER. So there.
I loved that Jen Lancaster stood up in the Blog to Book Session. And Moosh in Indy at the Bloghim session, priceless. Missed the storytelling because I went to the Humor session. I don't regret going to that one, but I do wish that I could have been in two places at once, because blogging is all about storytelling. There should have been more of that.
That's the best description of the BlogHim thing ever. I was totally sitting there thinking...what the fucking? What? It was a greatly awkward and awkwardly great moment. And I don't know the moosh either, but she Definitely called us all Bitches, so she must have been in swear mode.
But did you see the crazy streaker?
I wanted to marry her and just feel weird forever.
Out of all the words you've stacked together that I like, that little sentence has to be in the top three.
I spent all of the BlogHer weekend successfully avoiding you. Whenever I saw you, I went the opposite direction. So that blond you saw fleeing the opposite direction whenever your gaze even accidentally strayed my way? That was me. Super agoraphobic shy me actually put herself on a plane and went, alone, to BlogHer. What was I thinking?!!!!
@ashley I was there. Her exact words: "Be nice, bitches!" And it was totally uncomfortable and I was all "What the fuck did I do?" and when she yelled, it hurt my head because I was totally still drunk.
Horatio Jones, I met you at the Unicorn party and I think you are rad.
You didn't come to our panel, which...was probably for the best. I might have stood up and asked you how it felt to hurt people or something equally nonsensical and then we'd shoot each other mean looks and people would immediately start rumors that we were having an affair and next thing you know, you're a superstud and I'm a man-stealing pariah. Wait—that would have been awesome. Thanks for fucking that up for me.
(Glad to see you didn't close up shop for good ;)
I"m still a figment of your imagination.
I love how you love the awkward. Speaks volumes.
I wasn't at BlogHer [have never attended one] so it's tough to get a beat on what the experience is really like. I've read several posts about this year's conference, and this one reads the most "real". I love/hate awkward and strange moments. I experience the rush of anxiety and tingle as I read your descriptions. Funny!
kisses to you. roar!
That storytelling session made my heart soar, because I never get to talk that kind of shop, and it was like bellying up to a huge banquet after years of picking garbage. I wanted to start a spontaneous yurt commune with everyone in the room.
It sounds like you are a magnet for Awkwardness. Except your powers must have been failing you, because we only spent about 3 minutes together that weekend, and I am the Buddha of Awkward. You should have been flying across rooms against your will, magically drawn to my potential energy. Even now, I'm dangerously disturbing the universal balance of Awkwardness and Discomfort.
I missed all the brilliance of awkward moments. I'd have paid good money to watch Jen Lancaster call out the self-publishers. Alas, I was on my own panel, twiddling my thumbs and trying to remember I was wearing a skirt with no underwear on beneath it and whatever you do Tanis, do not imitate Sharon Stone.
My ears are still burning from the awkwardness of the manvagina session. Gah.
Still. I made googoo eyes backstage with you and you were immune. You put me in my place with your piercing laser beam smack down.
It was the greatest BlogHer moment ever.
I'm a little offended I didn't make it into this recap...I thought maybe a bit part like, "And I sat next to this fucker who wouldn't let me talk to Mr Lady at the Male Bloggers Session" or "And then this dude said something about Vincent's head and how many flies are on it and 'Does anyone have to hold a conch to talk to it?' at the People's Party" but no dice there, either.
I was only there to start rumors anyway.
Other than the humor panel, I think Stephanie Wilder-Taylor's and Jen Lancaster's (and Deb on the Rocks at that panel, too) bad selves were among the best moments of BlogHer. I left that blog-to-book session with more questions than answers, but I did fall a little bit in love with those brassy broads.
I have no recollection how I answered Moosh's question. The only part that pissed me off was that there were apparently NO rumors of me sleeping with anyone. Gotta work on that.
I've been working on my awkward for the last three years.
I'm glad all my hard work paid off.
Well, I wasn't there. And feel as though I'm crashing the after-party right now. But it sure as hell makes me want to two-time Wordpress for Blogger. Holy fun. And big love to Ryan-The-Panic-Room-Marshall for sending me your way.
And oddly, I was willing you to look at me in the back row at the community keynote and wave. No dice.
I introduced myself to you going into the Mamapop party; oh wait, maybe it was the People's party...who remembers, I was one of those slurry women...and I was WTF'ing with you in that room of mass discomfort. You described it perfectly.
I only wish I had attended Neil and Amy's session, but it was a tough call as I was next door in the humor room trying to learn how to be funny. Which is something I don't think you can learn, unfortunately. But I got a good laugh anyway.
You were awesome in the keynote, and I was so glad to have met you.
Oh that's what she meant? I figured since it was a panel about males, she was referring to my prowess in the sack. Good thing I hesitated on answering that and she said "bitches" and changed the subject.
Goddammit and I just self-published a book. Which makes me a fake person or something. Which is awesome because fake people never get scared or sunburned or hungover. So there.
And it was nice bumping into you. And not nearly awkward enough.
Fuck, I totally forgot to squeee. I know something was missing.
I stood in the back at the manel in case the shit went down. I was poised for the run.
did MAW just call me a dolt? yo.
game.on.
Heh. I think Jen did a great job. She's is an awesome self-promoter, got everyone to remember she has a book out there. Very smart and a fantastic example of working your brand, regardless of what your brand is.
i'm trying to wrap my head around you & moosh married.
OHHHmagah. I was totally in the room for the Blog to Book comment from Jen, and it was EXACTLY as you described. I mean, I'm pretty sure I kind of agree that at least for me, self-publishing is not going to make me feel like I got PUBLISHED-published, but I kind of do not have the balls to stand up and say to a room full of people including one panel member who HAS self-published that self-publishing is not being a real author, and kudos to her for those kahunas. I mean I do have balls for other things, like telling other panelists I think they're wrong and correcting their facts and stuff, but on that, that would have crossed my line. Huh. I didn't know i HAD a line. Go figure. Storytellers was JUST like a 12-step meeting, OMG, so so so true. Esp with Neil's little scripted scenes. All we were missing was the passing of the basket. Damn.
Oh boy, I'm late to the par-tay!!! I couldn't have had a better time at BlogHer and you were one of the highlights. I think you know why. Jen's comment was pretty hilarious to me and also, I agreed, so sue me. That whole panel was awkward really. A full 90 min. of awkward. And I agree that you really can't put a price on awkward. Now if we could just get Jen to weigh in here too that would be sweet.
How did I miss that storytellers session? I don't remember seeing it on the agenda anywhere. Frickety frack! Meeting you was one of the highlights for me.
This is awesome.
I laughed, I agreed, and damn, I'm so glad I met you and stumbled into your new blog.
Your keynote was suberb, btw. Really, I sobbed, looked it up on youtube and sent it to my friends.
So glad I got to meet you. I love Neil - he was my BlogHer BFF. I loved the session he had. I also wish there had been more emphasis on writing and writing skills at the conference. Maybe next year you should spearhead one? Take care of my niece while she's in Vegas ....! (UD)
It was an honor to share the Community Keynote podium with you. I am also very happy that you're continuing to share your extraordinary writing online. You have this "WTF elegance" that's sort of your own genre. For this, I want to tell you two things - (1) Congratulations, (2) I'm insanely jealous of your gift.
All the best,
Grace Davis
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